2009 is going to end. Will I?

2009.

It has been a year of a lot of ups and downs and at 43 years old, a few new discoveries for myself.

I had the epiphany of "My God, in 7 years, I will be 50" a few months back. That was kind of scary as I was drinking my morning coffee - don't tell my doctor that I still sneak a cup or two. To realize that yes, time is advancing and the days ahead are growing shorter than the ones behind, can be a haunting event.

2009 saw me feeling like I was 20 again. Renewed sense of self, of life and that is worth so much more to me than anything else that has happened this year. My faith, my past, my future are all one congealed ball and I am wrapped in the middle of it, going a thousand miles per hour. (Anyone who knew me when I was 20 is probably shaking their heads)

I reached out to old friends, as like the Grinch, my heart grew a little larger that day. To reach out and say hello after twenty years did cause me some trepidation after all, we never really said good bye.

My family has been amazing to me and for me this year. I cannot put into words what they have meant to me through the years and my wife and I are closing in on 20 years, 10 of which have been married. (Once again, people that knew me from before are shaking their heads, finding it impossible that I have a mortgage, three kids, a dog, cat, fish etc...a "normal" life)

But the wonderful thing is that is it not normal and it will never be normal. I am and always will be the dark poet, the brooder. I will be the one to make you laugh, to think. I will hopefully inspire you to reach for the stars and be great with no regrets. Hopefully you will walk in victory, knowing that the past is the past and it can no longer harm you.

Great memories and more to come.

To qoute Love and Rockets:

My head is full of magic,baby
And I can't share this with you.
The feel I'm on a cross again, lately,
But there's nothing to do with you.

I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.

Your strut makes me crazy,
makes me see you more clearly.
Oh, baby I can see you.
Wish I could stop,
Switch off the clock

Make it all happen for you.

I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.

My head is full of magic, baby,
And I can't share this with you.
The feel I'm on top again, baby,
That's got everything to do with you.

I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.

Happiness is found in a cold Danish

Creeping along the vines and twines. Eating a cold cinnamon bun and realizing how high I have become. How the dark clouds have left and there is only sun.

Snow is melting rapidly, my pre-Christmas present I think. Answered prayer. Touching into the past, so cathartic, soothing balm for my battered self.

Loving, living and remembering. I am being moved into a wind that is strong and where it sends me, I no longer care as it spells freedom. Freedom. Is there any better word, other than perhaps, servant?

I look at her and smile. My earthbound happiness. I look at them and I smile and I learn how to love a little more each day. There can be no doubt or confusion but the highway is brightly marked and I see tomorrow today.

The threads of humanity, linking and weaving us all together tightly.

Get on the bus and lets go. Universal plan for the universal man.

The snow is here and it is staying.

We have had almost a foot of snow in 2 days and I was so hoping that it wouldn't catch up to us until Christmas Eve.

Good news though is at Copenhagen, the hypocrites that drove their corporate jets to protest global warming are undergoing a blizzard. God has such a wonderful sense of irony.

It was like I was telling my friend, Lou Ferrigno the other day that pasta shells are not the same as sea shells. He wouldn't listen but kept on trying to stab them with his fork. He's so crass but nowhere near as bad as Fellini.

I placed a call to Superman this morning but all I got was a long time of ringing and then a really lame leave your message type of recording. He didn't even have Jimmy Olsen do it. Sounded like some guy from India or somewhere.

My God

My God is an awesome God.

What's your purpose?

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel that you are spinning nothing but your wheels? Not getting anywhere?

Are you are part of the herd or a part from it?

I just felt like saying hello today. Are you awake?

Sure it's cold, but it ain't Saskatoon!

I love it when I feel reminiscent for the Prairies and then I check the weather.

Dec 12th today and they are forecasting temperatures today of -50 Celsius which is like -58 F. Now I don't know about you, but to me, that is a little darned too cold. -50 C!! Not only is that ridiculous and that anyone would choose to continue living in that environment, but it also erases any remaining vestiges of nostalgia that I may have- at least until the spring.

Stare into the sun and relive the memory of warmth.

Stay tuned.

Woman, 98, indicted in roommate’s death - World - Canoe.ca

Woman, 98, indicted in roommate’s death - World - Canoe.ca

I think that it was the teddy bear she is sitting with.

Saskatoon memories aka, Was I even sober in the 80's? II

Who here remembers sitting in Paulie's basement watching Highlander over and over? How many times for Blade Runner? The Hunger?

Cold Saskatoon nights, driving around in a darkened van making Pop Tart dust. EverClear rainbows by the ounce, never mind the gallon mix that they suggest. AC/DC playing loudly, me being led home because I was to drunk to see. And my combats were untied.

Flash forward to Plaza Of Nations. My special love telling everyone that it was her birthday and she brought me trays of beer. Sweet beer! Such nectar. I drowned in the amber, the cold highway that I had known all of my life.

Did I tell her that I loved her? Did I tell any of them that I loved them? I could only let them love me as much as I would allow, not as much as they could. Insufferable, intolerable.

My group of comrades, my friends. Paulie, Christa, Mike and Ian. Crazy days and the nights were worse. We took Dionysian mercurial, earthly delights to new levels. We partied, we lived and we partied some more.

Knives of the Stove, I christen thee Sir Hash!

Turmoil and turmoil. No peace. No rest.

Time slows down as I grow older. Faster.

Each day I wake up I realize that I am dying.

You know its true

I am, I am, I am superman
And I know what's happening.
I am, I am, I am superman
And I can do anything.

You don't really love that guy you make it with now do you?
I know you don't love that guy 'cause I can see right through you.

I am, I am, I am superman
And I know what's happening.
I am, I am, I am superman
And I can do anything.

~REM

Is.49:15-18

Sometimes you have to wake up pretty early to hear.

	Isa 49:15	" Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you.
	Isa 49:16	See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; Your walls are continually before Me.
	Isa 49:17	Your sons shall make haste; Your destroyers and those who laid you waste Shall go away from you.
	Isa 49:18	Lift up your eyes, look around and see; All these gather together and come to you. As I live," says the LORD, "You shall surely clothe yourselves with them all as an ornament, And bind them on you as a bride does.

Saskatoon memories aka, Was I even sober in the 80's?

Have you ever been lost in time?

I mean more than simple nostalgia, but to be locked in a refreshing, replaying history? That is my life now, confounded by dreams focused on a specific time (7:30 am to be exact).

Time stuck in the 80's, outside, inside Tramps Arcade in a prairie town. Punk rockers and natives, arguing, warring. made no sense really, but that is what we were.

Doing drugs, drinking 5 Star and Yukon Jack. Sometimes a bottle of Jack. I was in love and I was on top of the world. James Cagney all over again with the smoking machine gun, going down in a flame. Going down with the setting sun.

My friends, now long gone, except for Mike. My friends who saw me live and then see me die.

No regrets and there is no remorse, but sometimes, just sometimes....