2009 is going to end. Will I?

2009.

It has been a year of a lot of ups and downs and at 43 years old, a few new discoveries for myself.

I had the epiphany of "My God, in 7 years, I will be 50" a few months back. That was kind of scary as I was drinking my morning coffee - don't tell my doctor that I still sneak a cup or two. To realize that yes, time is advancing and the days ahead are growing shorter than the ones behind, can be a haunting event.

2009 saw me feeling like I was 20 again. Renewed sense of self, of life and that is worth so much more to me than anything else that has happened this year. My faith, my past, my future are all one congealed ball and I am wrapped in the middle of it, going a thousand miles per hour. (Anyone who knew me when I was 20 is probably shaking their heads)

I reached out to old friends, as like the Grinch, my heart grew a little larger that day. To reach out and say hello after twenty years did cause me some trepidation after all, we never really said good bye.

My family has been amazing to me and for me this year. I cannot put into words what they have meant to me through the years and my wife and I are closing in on 20 years, 10 of which have been married. (Once again, people that knew me from before are shaking their heads, finding it impossible that I have a mortgage, three kids, a dog, cat, fish etc...a "normal" life)

But the wonderful thing is that is it not normal and it will never be normal. I am and always will be the dark poet, the brooder. I will be the one to make you laugh, to think. I will hopefully inspire you to reach for the stars and be great with no regrets. Hopefully you will walk in victory, knowing that the past is the past and it can no longer harm you.

Great memories and more to come.

To qoute Love and Rockets:

My head is full of magic,baby
And I can't share this with you.
The feel I'm on a cross again, lately,
But there's nothing to do with you.

I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.

Your strut makes me crazy,
makes me see you more clearly.
Oh, baby I can see you.
Wish I could stop,
Switch off the clock

Make it all happen for you.

I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.

My head is full of magic, baby,
And I can't share this with you.
The feel I'm on top again, baby,
That's got everything to do with you.

I'm alive, so alive.
I'm alive, so alive.